can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
