OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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