I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have fence marks all over my body
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
