And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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