I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
