He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
