Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize