This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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