From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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