We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
