So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
His hands were made for my vagina.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
