Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
