I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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