Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
