just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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