Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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