wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
