smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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