I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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