I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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