she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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