I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
