oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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