You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
