the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
