I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
