you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
