Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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