Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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