We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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