All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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