so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
