We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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