hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
