I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
