i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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