butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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