do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
