they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
