how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
