Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
