do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
