Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
