you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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