naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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