based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
