dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
