plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
