i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
