guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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