True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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