I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
