I must be too annoying 4 u.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize