so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
