We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
