Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
