I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize