i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
