Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
