you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Your cock deserves a montage
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
