but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Non-Jews are for practice
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
