So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he shaved USA in his pubs
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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