i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize