please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
